I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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