shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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