It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
