True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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