His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
