We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
