Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
