Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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