I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
