Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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