What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
