is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
