You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
