Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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