So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
