i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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