I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
