The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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