Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
