Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
This house was built for laser tag.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
