Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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