she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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