just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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