it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
