That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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