just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
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