BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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