i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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