i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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