I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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