my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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