So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You did what with his pubic hair?
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