All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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