I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
