Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
