Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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