It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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