Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
