ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
