So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
