Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
