No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
