my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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