My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
