Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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