i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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