Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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