i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
