im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
