i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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