even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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