Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
areolas are like halos for boobs.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize