Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
