Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize