giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
