Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
