so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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