I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
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