i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
