Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
