ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
