I could make wine with my vomit
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize