People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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