i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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