She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize