I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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