so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
