i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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