You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
