dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Randomize