We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
