WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
