If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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