four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
