i'm signing you up for texting rehab
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
