And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
